“Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”
2 Timothy 2:15, KJV
“Imagine there’s no heaven, it’s easy if you try.
No hell below us, above us, only sky.
Imagine all the people living for today…
Imagine there’s no countries, it isn’t hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for and no religion, too. Imagine all the people living life in peace…
You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one; I hope someday you’ll join us and the world will be as one…”
Before I begin, I must say this-damn Bill Cosby, just… damn.
This year was filled with ultimate highs and lows for me. I lost an Auntie (RIP), but gained a niece. I almost let the Swamps of Sadness take me out, but I fought back to emerge victorious, with a smile on my face. Last, but not least, I still don’t have a job, but I have managed to find some form of success in writing this weekly blog for y’all! And to think, I made it to this point all because of one thing that happened in the first month of this year…
Back in January, I had a surgical procedure done on my eyes. The doctors told me that the surgery was necessary to prevent any vision loss due to my having acquired pseudotumor. Pseudotumor is a condition which prevents the cerebral fluid that protects the brain and spinal cord from absorbing back properly into the bloodstream. The doctors also informed me that this condition is common among obese women of child bearing age.
This is what I heard: ‘ Shaunna, basically, your body has developed some disease for fat, childless women that is making you go blind. Oh, and by the way, you’d better get busy losing that weight real quick because you are only 23 pounds away from 500. Thank you, have a nice day!’
477 pounds. FOUR HUNDRED, SEVENTY-SEVEN POUNDS!!!!!!! I still haven’t found the words to describe how I felt that day.
A few weeks prior to my revelation, my family came at me with concerns about my weight. I’m talking full fledged intervention! Aunties, uncles, cousins, you name it, everyone had something to say about my morbid obesity. They noticed my breathing struggles, my limited movement and my overall size (I was massive). They wanted to know how they could help me get back to healthy. I didn’t know what to tell them, because I didn’t know. I mean, I knew my weight had become a problem, I just didn’t realize how bad it really was until I saw the number 477 associated with me. Seriously y’all, who gets that big and doesn’t know it? I was embarrassed, shocked, angry and afraid. I crawled into my feelings and slowly began to change my entire perception of food.
All right, so then in April, my worst fear came true-my vision actually diminished, and the doctors informed me that I would have to undergo another surgery! This time, however, they would have to insert something into my brain! I ain’t gonna lie, I was like, WTF?!?! My brain? All of this because of FAT?!?! It was too much, y’all. I couldn’t deal. Little did I know, the small changes I had implemented months earlier had actually begun to pay off, as I had lost 48 pounds! I was so overwhelmed with emotion, I didn’t know if I wanted to flip out and break stuff or cry and give somebody a hug. On one hand, I felt like my surgery was an epic fail, because it was supposed to prevent vision loss. On the other hand, I had actually tried to lose weight and it really worked. I was so confused.
Notice, I haven’t said a word about how my relationship with God or my faith effected me during this time. To be honest, I thought God was too busy to hear my cries for help. I thought He was allowing the Devil to have his way with me. I thought all He had given me was finally being taken away because I had not been using the gifts He gave me to praise and glorify His name. So, I prayed for my family, my friends and myself, hoping that the Lord would work things out for me to be healthy and productive once again. Needless to say, He had been there all along, I just wasn’t paying attention.
You ever hear someone talking about being blessed and highly favored by the Lord? I think I know how that feels. At my last check-up, the doctors told me that another surgery would be unnecessary, as long as I keep losing weight! Although I still can’t see very good, my eyes are strong enough to see this screen to write for my blog once a week! And not only am I blessed to have my Daddy live a mere 20 minutes away, but he is also the pastor of my church, where I sing in the choir again, every Sunday! It may not mean much to most, but it sure means a lot to me.
2015 took me on an educational joyride. Whether witnessing magnificent feats of nature like the earthquake in Nepal and the tornadoes in Dallas, or gawking in disbelief at the audacity of the actions of man like Jared (the Subway guy), Dylan Roof, Donald Trump and Rachel Dolezal, it has become painstakingly clear that the Lord means business, but the Devil does, too. No matter what life presents to you each day, stand proud and fight for whatever you believe, because at the end of the day, you will be held accountable for you. I write these posts week after week, hoping to inspire even one person to be confident in doing the right thing. I hope I’m not alone in saying my plan for the new year is to build upon this fabulous foundation I have already laid. Until next time…