“For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin. For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good. Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.”
Romans 7:14-19, KJV
“I am a sinner, who’s probably gonna sin again. Lord forgive me! Lord forgive me, things I don’t understand. Sometimes I need to be alone…”
Kendrick Lamar, “B*tch, Don’t Kill My Vibe,” good kid, m.A.A.d. city, 2012
Don’t call it a comeback!
Hello once again to all my family, friends and fans! I missed y’all, real talk. I honestly had no intention of staying away this long and I wrestled with the decision of coming back at all. I thought that it didn’t matter if I kept writing these “Parables” or not. I thought nobody was really paying attention to what I had to say anyway. I thought that I could just walk away from my obligation and be unbothered. I thought wrong.
As a result, I’m back on the scene with renewed fervor, renewed determination and renewed purpose. Even though my hiatus was short-lived, the saga of my life continued to be an experience of epic proportions and I am finally ready to finish what I started several months ago.
For those of you that have been rocking with me since day one, bear with me for a second while I connect the dots for the newcomers. See, my old heads already know that I don’t believe in coincidence. Today is exactly 6 months before my birthday. I started this blog one week before my birthday last year. In my very first entry, I explained that I am a Christian (a Preacher’s Kid, at that!) and I believe that God spoke to me, which led me to share my world and tell other people about how God’s grace and mercy have impacted my life, thus far. I am not now, nor have I ever claimed to be the best or perfect representative for Christ; however, I recognize and respect the fact that He gave His life for me, and I’m grateful for the chance to grow in my Christian faith and help others who might be struggling as well.
Back in February, as I began this particular story, a few events had taken place that I took as signs from the Holy Spirit. From the beginning, I have used these signs to help me determine what to write about each week. Now, here it is, 2 months later, and my initial idea for this parable is still relevant. That’s how I know that this thing is much bigger than me, that’s why I don’t believe in coincidence. If it is God’s will for something to be done, then it shall be done. We may think we have control over our lives, but God has the upper hand.
We recently moved from an apartment to a house. As we made preparations for the big transition, I kept praying for the Lord to show us favor, bless us with a clean slate to begin our new life in our new home. One day, I went to set up utility service for our new place and ended up in jail. Turns out, I had a warrant for my arrest from 2011, for a measly parking ticket. I was completely humiliated, totally caught off guard. When I was about that life, police apprehension did not phase me. It all tied in together. But I had not been in trouble with the law in over 10 years! The last time I went to jail, I promised God I would make a genuine effort to stay out of trouble. No matter how rough times got, I would not rely on my criminalistic skills to get ahead in life anymore. Living the thug life had run its course with me. I wanted to be a better daughter for my parents and a better human being for myself. So you can imagine how betrayed by God I felt as I sat in yet another jail cell, especially after I had worked so hard to change my life. I ain’t gonna lie, I asked God straight up why did I have to go to jail again? After several hours, I stopped crying long enough to arrive at this epiphany: in order to wipe my slate clean, I had to go through that experience one more time. If the police hadn’t picked me up that day, I would have kept on living life, thinking I was fully legit. So, thank God things happened the way they did, because I know I’m Gucci now.
I know we all have difficulty accepting the Will of God as it pertains to our lives, but my Pops always says, “If you want your life to go right, get it right with the Lord…” I asked God to bless me and He did, but I understand that I must be obedient to his instructions. My point of all this is simple–God told me to share my story and I must finish what I started no matter what obstacles arise in my path. I appreciate all of you encouraging me during this process, while holding me accountable as well. I set a goal to write specifically for this blog for at least 6 months and according to my stats, I have 6 more “Parables” to share. Remember that God will do what He said He would do, but we have to do our part as well. Thanks for not giving up on me. Until next time…